Field-Tripped by Nicole Archer

Author:Nicole Archer [Archer, Nicole]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Twist Idea Lab
Published: 2017-10-29T16:00:00+00:00

TWENTY-SEVEN

Eli Rides A Chicken

Survival Tip: Mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, or “the kiss of life,” is fast and effective. Begin as soon as the airway has been cleared. Normal recovery is rapid, except in cases of shock.

Eli’s Mixtape: Vanilla Ice, “Ice Ice Baby”

IT’S like the White Witch enslaved Breckenridge in an eternal winter.

A freak ice storm hit last night and imprisoned everything in frozen glass.

This kind of weather hits the Northeast all the time, but here in Colorado it never happens.

Climate change—a reminder that humanity can and will be crushed for its crimes against nature.

It’s shockingly beautiful, the bright sun reflecting off the crystalline surface. Icicles drip off the tree branches like Christmas ornaments.

The ground is a sparkly slick dance floor. I’m serious. It’s impossible to walk on that stuff. You need crampons to get around.

The electricity shut off last night, and we woke up this morning seeing our own breath. Luckily, the lodge has a backup generator, but it only provides enough power for two rooms. So the Orion team is in the living room, and we’re clustered in the game room, building our stupid bobsleds.

Malcolm, dressed in a Snuggie, arrives and plops a pile of cardboard and a bag of supplies on the floor. “Have at it,” he says.

Avery pulls a pink box from the sack. “What’s this?”

“Feathers.”

“You expect us to build a sled out of feathers?” She lifts another item out of the bag. “And a Bedazzler?”

He gives her a melodramatic shrug. “Like I told Art, it’s not wise to let a gay man loose in a craft store. I can’t be held responsible for my decisions. Not with all of those rhinestones and tubes of puffy paint and fifty thousand bottles of glitter. It’s like dangling a bottle of Mad Dog in front of a wino and expecting him to walk on by.”

“What’d you give the other team?” I ask.

“I don’t know, but I got a sweet Dolly Parton paint-by-number kit on clearance.” He slides me a side glance. “My room is next to the kitchen if you want to come check it out.”

“No, thanks,” I tell him.

“Meh, thought I’d ask.” Then he sashays out of the room with his Snuggie trailing behind him.

Skip presses his palms to his eyes. “Is this really my life now? Crafting?”

Preeti tries to cheer him up. “We’re tied with Orion. We can still win this.”

That gives him a slight boost. He slides out of his chair and crawls over to the pile of supplies. “Well, at least we have duct tape.”

With Charlie’s vagina no longer a trophy, my enthusiasm is at an all-time low, and it was never that high to begin with.

Building this stupid bobsled has really put my compassion to test. Truth is I’m tired of my coworkers. Every single one of them.

But at least they agree to build my sled design. Mostly because they don’t care.

I can’t wait to see Charlie’s face when she sees this thing.

Once the glitter and puffy paint dries, we trek out to the “sled run” behind the lodge.

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